When Perfectionism and Diabetes Collide

I’m a perfectionist… who has diabetes.

Sometimes it’s helpful to let my perfectionism take over my diabetes management. If I weren’t the way I am (ie a control freak, over achiever, perfectionist, compulsive worrier), I wouldn’t have the tight control influence on my diabetes that I do.

Unfortunately, I’m not always a strong enough influence on my diabetes and my little d-monster takes control making me feel like a failure.

Have I mentioned that I’m a perfectionist? When I wake up with a blood sugar of 49, I wonder how I could have let myself go to bed so low (I never go to sleep at 100 or lower). When I have bruises at my pod site, or from an injection, I think that I have the worst aim (and blood vessels) ever.

But the truth is, I can’t always be that perfect 100. Diabetes isn’t going to give me an A every day (the perpetual student in me sees the 100 and a 100% A+). When I hit low blood sugars, I have to accept that my body isn’t on autopilot and dosing insulin isn’t an exact science… and that I need juice. When I test above 200, I need to accept that my body hates me I might have misjudged carb contents or I might be getting sick and I need to correct and move on.

Like most things in my life, perfectionism helps me succeed in certain areas. It helps me stay sane and create a pattern of normalcy.

But also like other things in my life, perfectionism makes me feel like crap when things don’t work out the way they’re supposed to I want them to.

The more time I spend reading the stories of other diabetics, the better I feel. The perfectionist in me says that I should know what I’m doing by now, but people who have been dealing with this much longer than I have still feel like they don’t know what they’re doing at times.